<\/p>\n
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him \u2013 pbuh) is the perfect example for us to follow in all aspects of our lives. Allah (glory to Him, the Exalted, subhanahu wa ta\u2019ala \u2013 SWT) tells us in the Holy Quran: \u201cYou have indeed in the Messenger of Allah a beautiful example [of conduct] for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the final Day, and remembers Allah much\u201d (33:21). There is no better source to draw on for guidance when it comes to one of the closest and most intimate relations one has: balancing the rights and responsibilities of being a spouse. But having a role model to follow in this aspect of our lives makes it easier to tread this path which has happy times as well as challenges that can prove to be a real test of our faith.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The Prophet (pbuh) exemplified the perfect character of a spouse who follows the guidance of Allah (SWT). He is reported to have said: \u201cThe best of you is the best to his wife and I am the best to my wife\u201d (At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah). We can find evidence of this in numerous other ahadith (recorded sayings or actions) of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) where he is found manifesting this beautiful character in his marital relations. Also, his wives, themselves, have given witness to his exemplary ways of relating to, and interacting with, them. It is reported that when Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) received the first revelation and he came rushing to his wife Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her, radiallahu anha \u2013 R) overwhelmed and afraid, she comforted him with these words: \u201cGod will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously, and assist those afflicted with calamities who deserve help.\u201d
\nIt is interesting to observe how Khadija (R), who had been with him for 15 years, attests to his immaculate character. A wife is one who knows her husband the most intimately, and naturally has seen the best and the worst sides of his personality. The fact that Khadija had such a high opinion of her husband, detailing for him his excellent traits in order to assure him that he was not deluded or being misled by the revelation experience, attests to the genuineness of Prophet Muhammad\u2019s character. He was good to his wives just like he was good to those outside his home. A question worth asking ourselves is whether our spouses would have similarly high opinions of us.<\/p>\n
The Prophet (pbuh) was a loving and caring husband and did not hesitate to carry out little acts of kindness that showed his affection toward his wives. Many men find it awkward to extend themselves with simple and affectionate gestures, or they think they are too busy or overwhelmed with responsibilities to be romantic and loving toward their wives. Likewise, there are women who dismiss the importance of everyday gestures of affection toward their husbands. Who had more responsibilities in his life than Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)? Yet he made the time to be thoughtful, loving, caring, and romantic with his wives.<\/p>\n
Ayesha (R) is reported to have said that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would often eat and drink from the same spot on a vessel or bone as her, to show his love. She said: \u201cI would drink then I would hand it [the vessel] to the Prophet (pbuh) and he would put his mouth where mine had been and drink; and I would eat the meat from a bone and he would put his mouth where mine had been\u201d (reported in Muslim). Ayesha (R) also informs us about a number of other simple acts of love and affection that the Prophet (pbuh) would do on a regular basis. Examples include laying in her lap (Muslim), kissing her (Muslim), asking her to groom his hair (Muslim), and going for a walk with her in the evening (Bukhari). Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also did not hesitate to declare his love for his wife in public. While many men find it awkward to do so, the Prophet (pbuh) did not. Amr Bin al-As (R) reported that he asked the Messenger (pbuh): \u201cO Allah\u2019s Messenger! Who is the most beloved to you among the people?\u201d He replied; \u201cAyesha (R).\u201d He asked: \u201cAnd from among the men?\u201d He replied, \u201cHer father\u201d (Bukhari and Muslim).<\/p>\n
The Prophet (pbuh) exemplified the perfect character of a spouse who follows the guidance of Allah (SWT). He is reported to have said: \u201cThe best of you is the best to his wife and I am the best to my wife\u201d (At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also expressed his love to his wives in unique ways. Ayesha (R) would often ask the Prophet (pbuh), \u201cHow is your love for me?\u201d The Prophet (pbuh) would reply, \u201cLike the rope\u2019s knot\u201d (meaning that it was strong and secure). She would often ask after that, \u201cHow is that knot?\u201d and he would reply \u201cThe same as ever\u201d (reported in Hiya al Awliya). Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would spend his time at home with his wives when he was not engaged in Islamic dawah or the governance and guidance of the community. He would participate in the domestic chores and be ready and willing to serve family members. Al-Aswad reported that he asked Ayesha (R): \u201cWhat did the Prophet (pbuh) do at home?\u201d She said: \u201cHe used to be at the service of his family; and when it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray\u201d (Bukhari). Ayesha (R) is also reported to have said in another narration: \u201cHe acted like other men. He would mend his clothes, milk his goat, and serve himself\u201d (Ahmad and Bukhari).
\nThe Prophet (pbuh) would also console his wives in public when they were upset. Safiyyah Bint Huyyiy (R) narrated: \u201cThe Messenger of Allah (pbuh) went to Hajj with his wives. On the way my camel knelt down as it was the weakest among all the other camels, and so I wept. The Prophet came to me and wiped away my tears with his robe and hands. The more he asked me not to weep, the more I went on weeping\u201d (Ahmad). The Prophet (pbuh) did not get embarrassed, angry, or impatient. He just reassured her and compassionately wiped away her tears. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) was distinctly kind and considerate to his wives in public. Anas ibn Malik narrates: \u201cI saw the Prophet (pbuh) making for her [Safiyyah] a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him [on his camel]. He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiyyah to put her foot on, in order to ride [on the camel]\u201d (Bukhari).<\/p>\nPlayful and Entertaining<\/h2>\n
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) used to laugh with his wives, entertain them, and play with them. He raced with his wife Ayesha (R) and teased her after beating her in one race. Ayesha (R) reports that the Messenger said to her: \u201cCome I will race you.\u201d She continues, \u201cSo I raced with him and I won. After I became heavier, he raced me and he won, so he laughed and said this one for that one\u201d (Abu Dawood). In another narration, Ayesha (R) said: \u201cIt was the day of \u2018Id, and the Black people were playing with shields and spears; so either I requested the Prophet (pbuh) or he asked me whether I would like to see the display. I replied in the affirmative. Then the Prophet (pbuh) made me stand next to him and my cheek was touching his cheek and he was saying, \u2018Carry on! O Bani Arfida,\u2019 till I got tired. The Prophet (pbuh) asked me, \u2018Are you satisfied [is that sufficient for you]?\u2019 I replied in the affirmative and he told me to leave\u201d (Bukhari).<\/p>\n
The Messenger (pbuh) is reported to have said: \u201cEverything that does not involve remembrance of Allah is futile, senseless, and wasted \u2013 except for four acts: a man entertaining his wife, a man training his horse, a man walking between the two posts [when practicing archery], and teaching swimming to another man\u201d (reported in an-Nasai). How many men today are playful and enjoy simple fun with their wives? How many consider laughing with them and entertaining them a form of ibadah because it is following the Sunnah? Indeed, if we all followed Islam in its true essence, life would be a lot easier and our relations much more beautiful.<\/p>\n
Consulting His Wives<\/h2>\n
The Prophet (pbuh) would talk to his wives when something was bothering him and he would consult them for advice in important matters. Seeking the advice of his wives or talking to them about official matters was certainly not gratuitous or done to appease them. That was not the way of the Prophet. On the day of Hudaibiya, for example, the Prophet (pbuh) signed a treaty with the pagans of Makkah which included the provision that the Muslims must leave without performing pilgrimage that year. The Muslims who had come prepared in the state of ihram were angry and were reluctant to abide by this condition and did not follow Prophet Muhammad\u2019s (pbuh) orders to sacrifice their animals and shave their heads. The Prophet (pbuh) was distressed and went to his wife, Umm Salamah, to relate the situation to her. She advised him to conduct these rights himself first and that his companions would follow upon seeing him do so. The Prophet (pbuh) acted on this advice and his companions followed, just as Umm Salamah had predicted. This shows us that the Prophetic Sunnah of consultation certainly includes consulting one\u2019s wife.<\/p>\n
Patient at Times of Conflict<\/h2>\n
Marital relationships are some of the most vulnerable relationships and conflicts are bound to happen. It is how these conflicts are managed that fortifies or weakens the marriage bond. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was one of the most patient husbands when it came to marital conflicts. Like any other couple, he and his wives would have their arguments and disagreements, but the way these conflicts were managed provides us with a beautiful example to follow. Anas and Umm Salamah (R) reported that once the Prophet (pbuh) was in Ayesha\u2019s (R) house with some of his companions and Umm Salamah sent to him a plate of food. When Ayesha (R) saw it, she took a rock the size of a hand and hit the plate with it, breaking it into two pieces. The Prophet (pbuh) gathered the plate\u2019s parts and told his companions, \u201cEat \u2013 your mother was overcome with jealousy; eat \u2013 your mother was overcome with jealousy!\u201d So they ate. The Prophet (pbuh) then kept the broken plate in Ayesha\u2019s house, sent a good plate of hers, with food, to Umm Salamah, and said: \u201cA comparable plate for a [damaged] plate and comparable food for [ruined] food\u201d (reported in An-Nasai and Ibn Majah). He (pbuh) dealt with this patiently instead of getting angry himself.<\/p>\n
The Prophet was very understanding of his wives\u2019 feelings and moods and dealt with that in a light and easygoing manner. Ayesha (R) said that one day Allah\u2019s Messenger (pbuh) said to her: \u201cIndeed, I know when you are pleased with me, and when you are angry: When you are pleased with me you say [while making an oath], \u201cNo, by the Lord of Muhammad.\u201d And when you are angry with me you say, \u201cNo, by the Lord of Ibrahim.\u201d She replied: \u201cYes indeed, by Allah, O Allah\u2019s Messenger! I do not abandon [when angry] except your name\u201d (Bukhari, Muslim and Ahmad). Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is also reported to have said: \u201cLet not a believing man hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her traits, he would be pleased by others. (Muslim and Ahmad). He (pbuh) never hit any of his wives nor did he ever verbally or emotionally abuse them. Ayesha (R) reported: \u201cNever did Allah\u2019s Messenger (pbuh) hit with his hand a woman, a servant, or anyone else \u2013 except during fighting for Allah\u2019s cause\u201d (reported by Muslim).<\/p>\n
Restraining the Tongue with One\u2019s Spouse<\/h2>\n
The Prophet (pbuh) is reported to have said: \u201cA true believer is not involved in taunting, or frequently cursing [others] or in indecency or abusing\u201d (Tirmidhi). If we were to follow the example of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), our marital relations would be a lot more beautiful and peaceful. Many couples acknowledge the evil of abuse, but fall into the trap of verbal and emotional abuse. Constant taunting, cursing, and demeaning language become the norm and over time, the relationship suffers greatly. The way to break out of this cycle of abuse is first of all to understand that Islam enjoins believers to speak virtuous words or remain silent, and to absolutely practice restraint from taunting, cursing, or any sort of verbal abuse. We must be utterly conscious of the words we say to our spouse, constantly reminding ourselves of the grave consequences of negative, harmful words.
\nThere are instances when a marriage relationship seems simply unworkable or beyond repair. In such a situation, Islam allows for divorce. But even when it comes to divorce, Islam encourages good conduct. Allah (SWT) says in the Quran: \u201c\u2026Retain them in kindness or release them in kindness. But do not retain them to hurt them so that you transgress [the limits]. If anyone does that, he wrongs his own soul. Do not take God\u2019s instructions as a jest\u201d (Quran 2:231). The Prophet (pbuh) provided us an excellent model to follow to beautify our marital relationships. If we give these sunnahs as much importance as we give to the sunnahs of prayer and fasting, we could alleviate much suffering, and strengthen the ummah with the formidable building blocks of strong and happy families.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The Sunnah of Marital Relation: The Prophet as the Ideal Spouse Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him \u2013 pbuh) is the perfect example for us to follow in all aspects of our lives....<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2567,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,1,4,146,20],"tags":[13,316],"class_list":["post-2756","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ethics-in-islam","category-general-topics","category-about-islam","category-islamic-family","category-prophet-muhammad","tag-islam-2","tag-marital-relation"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2756","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2756"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2756\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2757,"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2756\/revisions\/2757"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2567"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2756"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2756"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/investigate-islam.com\/web\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2756"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}